You know you have reached rock bottom when u use a $25.00 Target Gift Certificate that u got for mother's day to buy Toothpaste and Shampoo instead of using it to buy yourself something nice!!! And when u you have to steal Sugar packets from Wendy's for your morning coffee so you can try and save the $3.00 that it will cost u to just buy sugar at the supermarket!!! It is really sad to get to this point!! I have used all the money in my savings which was supposed to be for our vacation next month..so my vacation is in serious jeapordy!!! As long as my daughter gets to eat every night I will be ok!! It sucks but I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life (except of course when I start thinking about how I'm going to pay my two-month late car payment..then I get kind of bitter) But I'm HAPPY!!! Which just confirms the phrase that I've always held on too: MONEY DOESN'T BUY HAPPINESS!!!. So I just try to keep my head up and just think that no matter how bad I have it someone else is worse off than me. Eventually I'll catch up and it will be ok! (at least that's what I keep telling myself, I think if I say it enough times I might actually believe it.)

I have come to a realization....
I AM ADDICTED TO MySpace!!!
I can't help it..I think I spend half my work day on there..If they only knew they would take away my internet access and then I would just have to cry!! I hope my new job has internet access if not I will be a very unhappy person!

I gave my two weeks notice on Monday..that was hard. But I will be starting a new job..better pay and better benefits.

On another note..I almost killed the hubby last night. He turned down Heat Playoff Tickets for last nights game!!!! I almost seriously hurt him..I couldn't believe it. How do you turn that down??? It was so horrible to watch the game knowing that I could have been sitting there screaming and cheering.

The baby is leaving On SAT on vacation with my mom....YAY!!! Planning a day of doing absolutely NOTHING on SAT. Made Hubby promise me a day of nothing but sex..have to celebrate not having the baby around!! And I have a bachelorette party to go to on SAT night. And plan to do some fishing on Sunday. It will definitely be a good weekend.

It's been a while. I've been doing much better..no breakdowns.
I've been slammed at work and my daughter has been driving me INSANE!! But hey that's her job I guess. I'm so stressed lately..besides realizing that I'm broke as hell..work is crazy and I had to go to the dentist on Wed..can u believe they want $1200.00 for a root canal??? Fuck that...take the damn tooth out. It's the last molar, I figure I don't need it that bad, I have an extra one on the other side (wisdom tooth). Plus I've had to deal with hubby's psycho bitch ex-wife..she needs a fucking hobby. ok got to get back to work now.

Last night was one of the toughest nights I've had in a long time..I thought about you all day, Later on at home when I saw the picture of me and you together that I have on my fridge I got really sad. Alex tried to make me feel better and asked if there was something he could do but of course there isn't. Can he bring you back???? NO!! I'm not sure if the breakdown was due to the three Apple Martini's or just because it had been a while and i was due for the meltdown especially since work was so crazy. All I know is that I miss you and I don't think it's fair..I feel like I'm a little kid complaining about how life isn't fair..but really it isn't. You were still young with some much to live for but I guess like I tell Taylor..life isn't fair, that's just the way it is.

On a better note, I wish you could have met Alex, he is really good to me and treats me well..I know you would have liked him. Taylor is getting big, she just turned 4 and talks my ear off!!! It sucks that you won't see her grow up like you saw me grow up and you won't be able to spoil her like u did me..but then again there is more than enough people that spoil her!! I don't know how she does it but somehow she suckers every one in..Ok Tia...I gotta go..Love ya.