Sometimes you ask yourself the age old question...Why me??, but it's just part of life..sometimes shit just happens. When u feel that the sun will finally shine on you, low and behold it doesn't!!
I had just found out a couple of weeks ago that I was pregnant..we were ecstatic, we had been planning it so we were definitely excited. I hadn't told anyone with the exception of my best friend, we wanted to wait for three months to make sure that everything was going to be ok..Thank god, because then I would now have to explain to everyone that I would have told that I had a miscarriage and lost the baby. It really is such a horrible feeling! I started spotting Friday night but tried not to think much of it..sometimes that just happens and its no big deal I would just try and take it easy and see what happens. So Sat we went to the beach with the kids, I got in the water only briefly, I was just taking it easy sitting on the beach chair reading a book. When we got home I realized that it had gotten a lot worse, it wasn't just some spotting..it turned into bleeding..so of course I freaked and immediately dropped my daughter off and headed to the emergency room..they did blood tests to determine what my hormone level was and told me to go home lay down and go back on Monday to retest to see if the levels had gone up or down..if they go up i'm still pregnant if they go down I lost the baby. So I went back yesterday to get retested and sure enough the levels had gone down. I was already prepared for that..I honestly had no hope..it was just too much blood for me to feel confident about the whole thing. But to have it confirmed just really sucked!! It's such a bad feeling..one that I can't even explain with just one word..I felt sad, lonely, lost, disoriented, my chest felt tight like if I couldn't breathe. I couldn't sleep. In a way it seemed unreal..It's like one of those things that happens to other people but you just don't think that it'll happen to you. I feel a little better now..still sad and of course Alex is sad too..wondering why this happened to us, but It's just a part of life..shit happens..we just have to try again and hope for the best!!
